Ezekiel

Dunno what to do anymore!

Today I didn’t sleep…again. I stayed up late staring at a blank page in my journal, asking myself what to write. Waited until the house was empty this morning, went to the top of my closet and pulled out my box of keepsakes from all my past loves…as I read through the letters and smelled the perfumes of the items I sat on the floor with my back to the wall and cried my morning away. I wanted soo badly to just call each of them and apologize, I know it is my fault they each left..my fault completely. I’ve come to the sad realization that I am in fact an asshole. I cheat, I lie, I steal(metaphorically), and worst of all, I whine about my life being shit when I really should be listening to my friends and what they want to say. There is only one thing I want before I die, and that is the chance to say…”I’m sorry!” to all those I have hurt in my years. Problem is, half of them have moved on and are unavailable for contact by me. I don’t even know where they all went, I only know what I hear. I think Talia went to ATL, I loved her soo much yet drove her away from my life by being stupid and not knowing what I had until it was gone. I hear Christine moved from Massillon to Cincinatti, but that is only what I heard through the grapevine. Worst of all, I’m driving Stormie off too. I don’t mean to, it’s just some little voice in the back of my head telling me to screw up my life. After nearly two years, I suppose she is tired of my games……Ezekiel